Why do I sigh?

Why do I sigh? My children ask
As I sit back and start to relax
Why do you sigh Mom? Are you ok?
Oh yes, but what a day,  month, year...
I think when I sigh, my body says its ok

Don't worry my babies, this is just me
When you are young your future is a fantasy
I know now what is important and what is not
Yet I am sitting here and I remember a lot
When I sigh I am fine it is my bodies reflex

I sigh when tired
I sigh when sad
I sigh when angry
I sigh when glad
I sigh when bad

When I was young I watched a woman
She sighed in distress, lost and lonely
She had suffered a trauma
She was depressed it's true
But she never stopped sighing

Now its my turn to be the older woman
I sit and I yearn I hope that I have grown
I hope that I have learned
But it never stops this feeling in my chest
Whether I am busy or at rest, I sigh at my best

I sigh when tired

I sigh when sad

I sigh when angry

I sigh when glad

I sigh when bad

Even as I sit, my fingers on the keys

I reflect on my life and who I could be

I don't always look back with ease

There were moments I could have missed

And times of complete bliss, yet I sigh

I feel the rhythm and feel the breath

As it rises and moves up through my chest

Sometimes it shudders but most often not

It just flies out again through my mouth

As my breath gets heavy and sighs

I sigh when tired

I sigh when sad

I sigh when angry

I sigh when glad

I sigh when bad

I look at my little ones, forever my babies

The girls of my heart and wonder how life

Will treat them and if they will start

To sigh one day and realize they are me

It all comes around and repeats history

Now it is time to move on

Forget the sorrow that has gone

Remember the wonders that are now

And listen to my heart as my life wanders along

If I sigh again it is not loss or pain it is just me

Sarah Sherman

My Daughter

My baby girl - about 2 months old

Once she was tiny

A mere 7lbs in my hands

Then she grew stronger

My arms held her close

As a toddler she was brave

She could walk a long way

She loved her mama well

She was a survivor I could tell

She hugged me tight

She kissed me goodnight

She continued to grow

A young woman I began to know

She is taller than me now

She thinks she knows it all

But her mother she will come to

When her world begins to fall

There are days we cry together

Then we are birds of a feather

One day she may know

The joy of a mother’s heart

She will learn the sorrow

Of watching your child grow

She will leave me

She will go out on her own

She will always know

She can return home

Her mother adores her

She is in my heart

No matter where life takes us

We will never be apart

My baby is not 7

She is not even 11

But hopefully by the time

She reaches 27

She will be my friend

In my heart to the end

A mother loves her child

She learns to let go

But the worry, the love

Never from her mind go

Sarah Sherman

The two loves of my life...

I am a 44 year old woman. I have been in love a total of two times in my life. Both loves have consumed me and I have given all I have to give each time. Life is never predictable, safe or easy, but we can't decide how it will be. We try, we do our best, what we think is right, however the world continues on around us. There are times in my life I would never want to relive and there are times that I would never give up. I thank the two men that I loved for the good times, for helping me grow and I also have moments that I wish had been different. No matter where I am, what I do, my history is my history, that much is true. I would not give up what I have lived or experienced even when there was pain. I have 2 wonderful birth children and now I have 4 wonderful step children, 3 amazing spouses to those step children and 2 of the most beautiful baby boys on this planet as my grand children. Life is life... We can live it or get lost in it. I have chosen to live it. Thank you to the two loves of my life for helping make me who I have become today. Here is a poem dedicated to my first and my second husbands. ..... Sincerely, Sarah Sherman

Goodbye

I tried to say goodbye to you today

But you never let me have

The last word in any conversation

You always were a square peg 

Struggling to fit into a round hole.

The room was full of friends and family

Your daughter sat there unsure of her role

Unlike other wakes the feelings were mixed

But all grief was real and none had time to heal.

Your eulogy was read by me I insisted

No other could explain the dichotomy of your life

I felt I could best since I had been your wife

I showed your sides both good and bad

And tried to reflect the whole life you had led.

Your parents sat there weak and broken

Your brother lost among the crowd

I left one daughter home and one to roam

To share the grief and remember the best

Now I truly hoped your soul could rest.

There was no way to explain the loss or the pain

I was unable to express how you lived with unrest

You always felt lost, you never felt loved

Nothing was enough, you couldn’t accept this was life

Existence serene? Not for you, your mother or your wife.

We let 46 white balloons loose that day

The had lives of their own as the winded and swayed

They reached to the sky some fast and some slow

One or two didn’t leave but had more to say

Before they puffed and rocked and went to the clouds.

The crowd was silent, there hardly a sound

As we stood, breath held and watched the mass swarm,

Of balloons climb to the sky and hoped you would go

With them to heaven even though I know

It is possible you didn’t go to the sky that day.

You have haunted me for more than half my life

You were disturbed and distressed, anxious and obsessed

You scared me, you hurt me, but you never left me

I pray because I have to believe that you have finally found peace

And now you can leave, the girls and I are alone, you have died.

I loved you once and loved you again

You were my mate, my lover, you were my friend

No matter how our lives did end

You will remain in my heart, my head to the end

When I look at our children you live on, you are not gone.

What I Know About Him….

I know that he is my friend,

I know that he cares for me completely

He loves me just the way I am.

He loves how I look, no matter what time of day,

He loves how I sing and just about everything.

He loves me and knows me well,

I know that he loves me in spite of it all.

I know that I love you,

I have never felt this way for another.

I know that this is true love, not infatuation.

I am not in love, with the idea of being in love,

I am in love with a man who helps make me complete.

The bible, calls this person your helpmeet,

I know that you are my soul mate.

I have many faults, many failures and many ghosts,

I know that you still love me the most.

I will have success, with you by my side,

I know that you will help me and come along for the ride!

I love that you get excited and passionate

He creates beauty and makes me feel that beauty too.

I never knew that I could feel so happy beside my love.

He is strong, brave, loving, caring, and fun.

He is scared, worried, aging and tries to retreat.

He thinks that I won’t want him if he is not complete.

I love him no matter what, although he pushes me away

I only want him to stay, by my side, through the night,

I must have him in my life.

He is the man that I want and I know he can be the man that I need.

My handsome, you are smart, funny, intelligent, witty, brilliant, creative and loved.

Let go of the past; don’t let past failures get you down,

We have enough to try to make us drown.

We need to be strong; care for each other, we need to get along

And to forsake all others. I don’t see a man, who is aging,

I see a man who loves, who makes me strong,

A man who helps me carry on. You are my strength, my love.

If I had to choose, for youth or you,

I would choose you as the man for me.

I know you must struggle, with your body falling apart,

You must struggle knowing you are brilliant with your art,

You must feel that this is a mistake, but baby,

Just imagine how much your heart would ache,

If you had to let go, be alone with out your soul mate.

Not everyone gets a second chance at love,

I am lucky to have found it so quickly,

I am no poet or artist or other,

I just know that you are who I want to spend my life with,

The man I want to make daily decisions with,

Share my thoughts with and end the day with.

You, I only love you, just the way you are.

This is written for you by your one love, me

You will be the man in my heart, my first REAL love.

I finally feel like a grown up and you make me happy.

Thank you for that and all your love.

Kisses and hugs, from my heart to yours.

I am not much of a poet, yet it feels a like a good way to express my thoughts. I wrote both of these poems about 5 years ago and they still hold true for me... I know the second poem starts as about "Him" and changes to "You"... please bear with my idiosyncrasies in my writing!

In joy, in sorrow, in good times, in bad times, I only want to be surrounded my my little family. My children and my husband .... You are all wonderful, I love you and would not change places with anyone but to be with you all!

Love Sarah

Continuing on, when you think you can't - Strength, Love, Faith...

Sometimes life doesn't go how we plan. Challenges come up and we have to adjust. Just when you think you can't take anymore... You find out you can... when you have to. Love will give you strength you never knew you had.

Love and Faith

My baby was tiny

She had a rough start

But her sister and I

Loved her with our whole hearts

One morning I took her

Into the preschool

She was confident now

And looked me in the eye

She smiled, she kissed me

And said “Mommy, good bye”

I knew she was safe

She was coddled and cared for

I could never have guessed

What she would endure

That morning was happy

I felt strong and secure

I thought I was turning

A new corner, no fear

Later that day

I saw her again

The doctor handed me her clothes

And said “Can you identify her ma’am?

I shook, I trembled, I tried not to fall

I felt my heart palpitate

“Yes, it’s her” I croaked out

Then the doctor he took me

Into the ER and I saw

My baby, strapped to a gurney

Her body all raw

I was dizzy, afraid

I thought she was gone

The doctors said “It’s ok, talk to her mom”

All she could move

Were her big clear blue eyes

I looked down in her face

I shuddered and sighed

I said “Hi baby” and tried not to cry

She looked at me and said

“Mommy it hurts”

I wanted to faint

But I had to put her first

I knew in that moment

No matter what

Her brain was ok

I said “baby I love you,

The doctor is here,

She is going to get you better

Then your sister will come near”

The little tears squeezed

From her eyes so soft

As I turned away

I couldn’t pass out

She needed to stay here

Of that there was no doubt

I had to have strength

Like none I ever knew

I had one more baby

She would need me too

The day passed so slowly

She was flown by air away

The doctors they did

Their very best that day

They patched her

And saved her

And sewed her arm on

They mended her legs

Kept her heart going strong

She was stable again and going to stay

My baby so tiny

Was saved that day

The devil tried to take her

But the angel sent him away

Sarah Sherman